Three and half years ago, my coworkers and I were in the process of moving office locations. It was just down the road to our newly renovated building and I spent several late nights there with my supervisor, trying to quickly pull things together. I was headed out of town shortly thereafter, so was attempting to get everything in place before I left. Our new office had two large windows that displayed the end of our international airport's runway and in the farther distance the Alaska Range. Several nights I had watched the sun set behind those mountains, casting its last rays across the snow-capped tops. One evening, I stood at those windows watching the runway activity and admiring the magnificent mountains. My mind kept drifting to my upcoming trip; I had my first few flights planned and purchased, but much was still to be decided. I knew what countries I wanted to travel to, but the dates of travel and length of stays were not finalized. It was the trip I had dreamed of for years, yet there was that sense of unknown and maybe a little bit of anxiety. It was what I wanted to do, but was I making the right decisions?
My supervisor, who is also a dear friend, reassured me that all would be well. Change and the unknown is always a bit frightening in life, but we both knew I wasn't traveling by myself. My God is ever before me and with me every step of the way. He loves me beyond comprehension, so no matter what I would face, I would have Him to be my Guide, Comfort and Giver of peace.
Looking back at that trip three years ago, I am glad I didn't know all I would face during those six months in Asia that night at the window. I'm sure I would have shrank back from the thought of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual battles I would experience. Yet, during each of those trying moments, my confidence in God never shook. I may have struggled inside and wondered how I would get through, but I always knew God was with me and some days that was THE ONLY thing that got me through another day.
Why am I reliving those fears from three and half years ago? Well, I am about to embark on another lengthy journey and to be honest, I'm just a tad nervous. The past couple years I've spent the majority of my time at home, working and attending school. I took time away from traveling to focus on finishing my Bachelor's degree, and I don't regret it. But traveling is in my blood and I knew it wouldn't be long before I headed out into the world's arena once again. So many people tell me that I'm brave to go to all these countries by myself, but if they could only see the inward trepidation I so effectively mask. I can't stop traveling, but it doesn't mean I'm fearless.
And I am not just referring to the physical things I endure in random countries. Each one of my trips has changed and grown me in more ways that I can count. When I first left home, I was a young 19 year old girl who had more dreams and ideas than sense. Each year has brought another level of learning, especially that of trusting God. Trusting Him with my life, my family, my heart, my friends, my safety and so much more. As painful as some of my memories are, I would not trade any experience, for in each one I learned more about myself and more about the abundant grace and peace my Saviour gives.
Yet, once again, I am facing the unknown and its both exhilarating and daunting. At the risk of sounding like Anne of Green Gables, there is a bend in the road and I can't see around the corner. Right before leaving on this trip, I quit my job of many years (though I've quit before, but this one feels more final) and with school finished, I don't have much tying me back home. After this trip ends, I do not know what I will do next. Oh, I have ideas, always do, but nothing is for sure.
But the excitement far outweighs the nervousness! The next four months will be one of adventure. I will see old friends, visit beloved familiar places, meet new people and explore strange places, all the while watching God move in my heart and those around me. I am greatly looking forward to it.
I'm trusting God in my life and circumstances. Yours may be vastly different than mine, but are you trusting God regardless?
My supervisor, who is also a dear friend, reassured me that all would be well. Change and the unknown is always a bit frightening in life, but we both knew I wasn't traveling by myself. My God is ever before me and with me every step of the way. He loves me beyond comprehension, so no matter what I would face, I would have Him to be my Guide, Comfort and Giver of peace.
Looking back at that trip three years ago, I am glad I didn't know all I would face during those six months in Asia that night at the window. I'm sure I would have shrank back from the thought of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual battles I would experience. Yet, during each of those trying moments, my confidence in God never shook. I may have struggled inside and wondered how I would get through, but I always knew God was with me and some days that was THE ONLY thing that got me through another day.
Why am I reliving those fears from three and half years ago? Well, I am about to embark on another lengthy journey and to be honest, I'm just a tad nervous. The past couple years I've spent the majority of my time at home, working and attending school. I took time away from traveling to focus on finishing my Bachelor's degree, and I don't regret it. But traveling is in my blood and I knew it wouldn't be long before I headed out into the world's arena once again. So many people tell me that I'm brave to go to all these countries by myself, but if they could only see the inward trepidation I so effectively mask. I can't stop traveling, but it doesn't mean I'm fearless.
And I am not just referring to the physical things I endure in random countries. Each one of my trips has changed and grown me in more ways that I can count. When I first left home, I was a young 19 year old girl who had more dreams and ideas than sense. Each year has brought another level of learning, especially that of trusting God. Trusting Him with my life, my family, my heart, my friends, my safety and so much more. As painful as some of my memories are, I would not trade any experience, for in each one I learned more about myself and more about the abundant grace and peace my Saviour gives.
Yet, once again, I am facing the unknown and its both exhilarating and daunting. At the risk of sounding like Anne of Green Gables, there is a bend in the road and I can't see around the corner. Right before leaving on this trip, I quit my job of many years (though I've quit before, but this one feels more final) and with school finished, I don't have much tying me back home. After this trip ends, I do not know what I will do next. Oh, I have ideas, always do, but nothing is for sure.
But the excitement far outweighs the nervousness! The next four months will be one of adventure. I will see old friends, visit beloved familiar places, meet new people and explore strange places, all the while watching God move in my heart and those around me. I am greatly looking forward to it.
I'm trusting God in my life and circumstances. Yours may be vastly different than mine, but are you trusting God regardless?
Good luck Barrie.:-*
ReplyDelete;-) Wishing you safety and blessings. Love you, Mom
ReplyDeleteHow am I just reading this?! Please write a book some day, I would buy dozens of them. I love hearing your story and since I get to see it from a different view its even more exciting, when I see you I wonder "Dude what CANT that woman do?!" but I know its because you put the Lord first in all you do. Great things ahead in 2016!! :)
ReplyDelete