What do I do?

Recently I attended a beautiful outdoor wedding. It was one of the rare, gloriously sunny days we had this summer. It has been so rainy, that it was a surprise to see such a lovely blue sky. I arrived early, so chatted with a couple friends who were also in attendance. Then several of the groom's friends arrived and introductions began again. I met one friendly, outgoing gentleman and he initiated a longer conversation. As the wedding was still minutes from commencing, I stayed to chat. Then he asked the question, "So, what do you do?"

My mind raced. How do I answer? What is a simple response? How do I sound intelligent with my reply? What DO I do?!

"Uh, I, uh, work a couple part-time, temporary, seasonal jobs. Recently graduated with my Bachelors. Uh, newly arrived home from a four month trip around the world."

And basically, don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone next month!

He was gracious and responded with "Cool!" and then asked about my travels. It wasn't as awkward as I initially thought, but it did start me thinking....

I've never been a longterm planner, in the sense that I've never wanted to stay in one place for a huge length of time. I like living year by year and God has been faithful in directing my steps at the right time. This summer has been a strange one however. I came home fully expecting to work full time at my airport seasonal job. I thought my summer months would at least be filled and I could set aside some cash for whatever next adventure presented itself. That wasn't exactly the case, my first week home, I was only scheduled for 15 hours of work. How was I supposed to pay my bills, let alone save for the future on that? I had ideas for the fall, so didn't want to look for another job, just to ask for numerous days off right off the bat.

But I knew that God has never failed me, His faithfulness has been a constant in my life and I didn't want to start doubting now. So, I prayed, waited and trusted.

My first two weeks, I picked up as many extra shifts as I could and spent my time working on home projects and reading. Then one day out of the blue, my dad asked if I wanted to work for a friend of his at his concrete cutting company. Now, I know nothing about pouring concrete, let alone cutting it, and we knew virtually what the job entailed, but the wage was something I didn't want to pass up. Some weeks I worked 3+ days and other weeks I only worked one day. But my God provided! And the other blessing is, it's summer/fall work. So I will still be free this fall/winter to persue other interests without being tied down to a job.

Once again, God made Himself known to me. And it wasn't the last time of the summer. He continued/continues to manifest Himself in my life.

Its not the easiest thing, humanly speaking to live week to week, but I can full rest in my Saviour's love and provision and KNOW that I will be taken care of. After all, he loves me with an infinite love.

So, now if you were to ask me, "What do you do?," my reply would be -

"Enjoying Life and Living by Faith"

Fearful of Evil Tidings

He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. Psalm 112:7

A few years ago, while reading through my Bible, this verse jumped out at me. Since that time, I have clung to it many times. How often are we worried or anxious about receiving bad news? When the phone rings and your heart starts pounding, because you are fearful of who will be on the other end, calling to share news you’ve been dreading.

All through my teen years, I looked forward to one day traveling to visit missionaries. Several times I had planned a trip, only to have it fall apart. It was my one big dream and I tried opening so many doors on my own, but it was not meant to be. Finally, I gave it to the Lord. I told Him that I was ready for whenever He was ready to send me. I stopped trying to open closed doors and rested in His leading and timing. Several months later, an opportunity dropped into my lap from out of the blue. My good friend, Bro. D asked me to come North to live with his family and help at their small Christian school. That particular location had never crossed my radar before, but it was definitely of God. With a very short amount of time I was in Inuvik, NWT.

My brother had gotten married Friday evening and Monday morning I was on my way to Inuvik. We arrived Tuesday evening and by the next day, I was working at the school. Things were going well and I was getting adjusted to being away from family and “on my own.” Sunday evening, we were just getting home from church, when the phone rang. I had this weird feeling that the call was for me. But I instantly dismissed it, because I didn’t really know anyone yet in town, so no one local would be calling me and everyone back home would be at church. Yet, a few seconds later, I was told the call was for me. It was a close family friend calling to inform me my mother had been in a serious car accident the previous night. She had already had a couple surgeries and was currently in ICU.

It was such a weird feeling… I was so far away, that it was hard to believe it was real. There really was no emotion on my part at first, because I was only hearing of it and not seeing any physical evidence. It took a couple days for it to sink in. My dad called a couple days later and we talked about the entire situation. My mom would be in the hospital for a while and even after she got out, it would be a long recovery. My older brother had just gotten married, I as the oldest girl was away from home for the first time and my next brother was working fulltime. That left my middle sister, who was only 14 at the time to take care of the youngest two siblings. My dad still had to work and he also spent a lot of time at the hospital. I asked him if he thought I should come home to take care of the family. But he said no. We both knew God had given me this opportunity and he felt I should stay where God had led. God always gives grace, does He not?

A few weeks later, I received another phone call. This one came after I was already in my bedroom for the night, but I got up to take the call. A friend from home called to let me know a guy I had grown up with had been killed in a motorcycle accident. His sister and I had been good friends for a few years and while he and I never were that close, it was still a shock. How does one handle getting news like that? Yet, God is good and He always provides grace and peace when we need it most.

Fast forward to a year later. I now found myself in Outer Mongolia, completely cut off from the world around me. The village we lived in had no electricity, no running water, no radio, no cell phones. We had a landline, but it didn’t always work. One time my mom tried calling for 2 weeks before she could get through. During my first couple months there, every time the phone would ring and someone would say the call was for me, fear was my first response. My heart would pound, until I answered and realized my family had simply called to see how I was doing, not to tell me bad news. It’s a horrible way to live, always dreading the next phone call. Then I read Psalm 112:7- “He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.” The ‘he’ in the verse speaks of “the man that feareth the Lord, that delighteth greatly in his commandments,” found in verse one of the chapter. I realized that I was not trusting God the way that I should have been.

Instead of resting in Him, I was constantly worried about what evil tidings I would hear next. I was dreading the future and the pain and hurt I might face, instead of dwelling in the present moment and being at peace. I knew then that God wanted me to trust Him completely. Did that mean I would never receive bad news again? No. But I didn’t need to worry about something that hadn’t happened yet. And I could be confident that when I did receive bad news again, God would still be by my side, giving me the grace, strength and peace to deal with each situation. I clung to that verse, holding it as a promise from God. I could fix my heart and mind on His constant love, instead of dreading the future.

That year in Mongolia, I never did receive a phone call with difficult news. Instead, God taught me many other things. But He had given me Psalm 112:7 to hold on to and prepare me for the future. Years later, I was once again in Mongolia, when I would receive heart wrenching news. No, it wasn’t easy to deal with, but I had chosen not to fear the future, but trust that God would provide the grace and strength I needed when those times came. And once again, He proved Himself faithful in my life.  

A Bend in the Road

Three and half years ago, my coworkers and I were in the process of moving office locations. It was just down the road to our newly renovated building and I spent several late nights there with my supervisor, trying to quickly pull things together. I was headed out of town shortly thereafter, so was attempting to get everything in place before I left. Our new office had two large windows that displayed the end of our international airport's runway and in the farther distance the Alaska Range. Several nights I had watched the sun set behind those mountains, casting its last rays across the snow-capped tops. One evening, I stood at those windows watching the runway activity and admiring the magnificent mountains. My mind kept drifting to my upcoming trip; I had my first few flights planned and purchased, but much was still to be decided. I knew what countries I wanted to travel to, but the dates of travel and length of stays were not finalized. It was the trip I had dreamed of for years, yet there was that sense of unknown and maybe a little bit of anxiety. It was what I wanted to do, but was I making the right decisions? 

My supervisor, who is also a dear friend, reassured me that all would be well. Change and the unknown is always a bit frightening in life, but we both knew I wasn't traveling by myself. My God is ever before me and with me every step of the way. He loves me beyond comprehension, so no matter what I would face, I would have Him to be my Guide, Comfort and Giver of peace. 

Looking back at that trip three years ago, I am glad I didn't know all I would face during those six months in Asia that night at the window. I'm sure I would have shrank back from the thought of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual battles I would experience. Yet, during each of those trying moments, my confidence in God never shook. I may have struggled inside and wondered how I would get through, but I always knew God was with me and some days that was THE ONLY thing that got me through another day. 

Why am I reliving those fears from three and half years ago? Well, I am about to embark on another lengthy journey and to be honest, I'm just a tad nervous. The past couple years I've spent the majority of my time at home, working and attending school. I took time away from traveling to focus on finishing my Bachelor's degree, and I don't regret it. But traveling is in my blood and I knew it wouldn't be long before I headed out into the world's arena once again. So many people tell me that I'm brave to go to all these countries by myself, but if they could only see the inward trepidation I so effectively mask. I can't stop traveling, but it doesn't mean I'm fearless. 

And I am not just referring to the physical things I endure in random countries. Each one of my trips has changed and grown me in more ways that I can count. When I first left home, I was a young 19 year old girl who had more dreams and ideas than sense. Each year has brought another level of learning, especially that of trusting God. Trusting Him with my life, my family, my heart, my friends, my safety and so much more. As painful as some of my memories are, I would not trade any experience, for in each one I learned more about myself and more about the abundant grace and peace my Saviour gives. 

Yet, once again, I am facing the unknown and its both exhilarating and daunting. At the risk of sounding like Anne of Green Gables, there is a bend in the road and I can't see around the corner. Right before leaving on this trip, I quit my job of many years (though I've quit before, but this one feels more final) and with school finished, I don't have much tying me back home. After this trip ends, I do not know what I will do next. Oh, I have ideas, always do, but nothing is for sure.

But the excitement far outweighs the nervousness! The next four months will be one of adventure. I will see old friends, visit beloved familiar places, meet new people and explore strange places, all the while watching God move in my heart and those around me. I am greatly looking forward to it. 

I'm trusting God in my life and circumstances. Yours may be vastly different than mine, but are you trusting God regardless? 

Finish Strong

A couple weeks ago, I was listening to a 10 year old preaching tape in my car while going back and forth to work and school. Sometimes I get tired of listening to music while driving, so this is a good alternative. Especially since my new car only has the radio and a cassette player. So I had to dig out my old cache of preaching cassettes. 

The sermon was a great message, but I started thinking about the guy preaching. My mind went back to the year he preached that particular sermon.... he was such an on-fire young man. At the time was attending Bible college, serving at church, involved in all kinds of ministries, both at school and at his home church during the summers, greatly interested in missions. He was a likable young man, was passionate about the Lord and great preacher. Humanly speaking, most who knew him saw such a great future lay in front of him.

Now, he is still serving in the church, but his passion has seemed to fade. Still a great guy, but I wonder if the fire still burns in his soul. It is not my place to judge, but it made me examine my own life. 

I go back ten years and think about who I was then..... scary thought. haha Honestly, sometimes I wonder how people could stand being around me. So rough around the edges. And then my mind recollects the years between then and now. I look back at the times God was molding me. Pruning me. Putting me through the fire. All to conform me to His image. Times where I wondered why, and now can see how God used those times to draw me to Him. 

I've decided I may not have started well, but I want to finish strong. I would much rather keep progressing each year and come to the end of my life and know that my passion has grown, my love for God has increased and my service never slacked, then to be a ball of fire in the beginning and slowly fade into ashes. 

In Paul's words: 
            "Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)

Complete Randomness

If you are wondering what my days have been consisting of -

I could tell you of how yesterday I spent hours contemplating Shakespeare, or how this week I've been reading a random, weird, mind-boggling perplexing book (for school), or how I have played volleyball twice this week and lost both times. 

I could tell you about my love/hate relationship with school. Love the learning, hate the mounds of homework. 

Or maybe you want to hear about my sudden aversion to any kind of communication. If I've ignored your calls, texts or emails in the past two weeks, I still like you. Just haven't been in the mood to talk. 

Perhaps, you are wondering when "my next big trip is." Well, join the club, everyone does. At least they all appear to, since that's about the only question I get asked regularly. 

This is a completely random post, but hey, sometimes I am a strange person. So to close out this irregular post, I leave you with a random picture. 

sometimes you just need to act like a kid again :)

Mornings

On my way to work the other day, these random thoughts flooded my mind.... "I have so much energy! I am not tired! It's 7:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake!" 

You know how nice it was to have those thoughts!? It's easy to forget what it's like to not be tired when you live tired all the time. I enjoyed everything this summer, but the lack of sleep does get to a person after a while. Now that things have slowed down some and sleep is a regular part of my schedule again (a full night's sleep), I feel like myself again! And it is a wonderful thing!! I'm not going to make any ridiculous promises like - it will always be like this.... or I'll never have such a crazy schedule again.... cause we all know, those promises wouldn't last. But for now, I'm going to enjoy it! 

Another morning this week, I looked out the window when I first got up. Wow. Looked frantically for a camera, but couldn't find one, so I'll do my best to describe what I saw.... 

The firmament was shrouded with a dark blanket of cloud that ended abruptly just above the visible mountains on the far southeastern horizon. The sun was rising, but was yet unseen from my location; however his rays were cast on the distant mountains, causing it's snowy tops to flaunt their crystal clear details. What were previously dull orange birch leaves encircling my view of the mountains were now illuminated by the sunlight. Brilliant, florescent yellow and orange leaves glowed against the dark gray sky as a forest fire's blaze. Truly amazing morning view. 

Hard to understand how people can look at our world and deny there is a Great Creator. My God is an Amazing artist! 

"The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handiwork." Psalm 19:1

Slowing Down....

"Ready for life to get back to normal." My friend recently said this to me about moving to China. We laughed about the irony of that statement. China isn't exactly "normal" for an American. But I understand what she meant. This summer for me had a pretty crazy schedule and I've been looking forward to getting back into a somewhat normal routine. Was hoping with the start of school, my schedule would even out. So far that hasn't happened, but there's potential there. 

Why is it that time/life never seems to slow down? I'm not the type to not be busy, so guess it won't ever slow down for me.

Here's a few more random pictures from Selawik. 

i love reflections

Marie and Clara -  Rock Crossing buddies

sunset on the river

Adventurous Blessed Life

Do you ever get asked those "repeat questions?" You know, those questions that when asked, you think to yourself..... "this question wouldn't be so annoying if I only heard it once every other year.... but since I've heard a variation of it twenty times in the past month...." And no, I'm not talking about the "why are you not in a relationship" question. 

For me, the most often asked question is "when is your next trip?" or "when are you leaving again?" or "what country are you going to next?" etc. etc. etc. 

So, let me just answer everyone at one time. Right now. 

I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

Just the other day, I got asked again, but this time the question was "When's your next adventure?".

Adventure? I can only have adventure while I'm in some foreign country? So if I'm not traveling, my life is boring? 

I just want to let y'all know. I LOVE MY LIFE. And as much as I love traveling, I sure hope that is not what defines me. Yes, there are days, when all I want to do is jump on the next airplane. And those days when I struggle through homesickness for a tiny village in Outer Mongolia. But really, I have a blessed life! And adventure? Well EVERY day is an adventure! :D

Let me tell you a few things I love about my life....

I live in one of the greatest states ever - ALASKA! and it's coming into the greatest time of year - Summer! 

A loving Saviour who loves me unconditionally (do you really grasp that? UNCONDITIONALLY.) and is my best friend, constant companion, interceder, and the list goes on.... 

A crazy, loud family to laugh with (or at), tell stories and jokes, quote movies with, discuss hockey, eat food with and just have fun! 

Pretty sure, I have the most amazing friends ever! I am blessed to know so many awesome people. I never know when I will hear from people scattered all over the world by email, phone calls, text, fb msg and skype. THAT is a blessing. Love each of you. 

Incredible job that is flexible with my schedule! I love having more time to enjoy summer and be able to go back to school and travel! They have been more than good to me. And my supervisor is the best in the world!

I love sunshine. And jean skirts. And comfy shoes. And books. And coffee. And driving. And mountains. And school. And food.  

What about adventure you ask? Well, what about late night traipsing up hillsides through fences, over crystallized snow and mud and under fences, just to watch the lunar eclipse? 

Adventure? How about teaching a Bible study to a bus family from Ghana? When you never know who else will be in attendance or what topic will come up? Getting so share the Word of God is great adventure!

Other random blessings - 

An amazing deal on roundtrip tickets to Seattle for a friend's wedding! Did I say AMAZING? Thank you, Lord!

Finishing my online TESOL course!! That is huge blessing! 

Being able to pray together with dear friends. 

Small trips to the States this year (already up to 3) 

Friends getting married. (isn't it exciting? all these weddings? except I think I'm going to be broke soon....) 

Little Levi Wesley arriving in just two months! (T&C, that was just for you!) :D

You know, I really don't mind when close friends asking me when my next trip is, because I know they really care about me and aren't just trying to make conversation. But I just wanted to say publicly, I love my life. Today. 
I am not promised tomorrow. Neither are you. So until God directs me to travel overseas again, I am going to live in today. And enjoy the time I have here. 

And JUST LOVE LIFE. 

Singleness

I have been following this blog for a while. Never met Grace, but every time I read one of her posts, I can SO relate to it! Many times, it is the exact echo of my own heart. Here are two posts in particular that spoke to me. It is Grace's words, but I could have been mine. (tho' she writes better) :)  

Thankful for others who understand!

http://gracefortheroad.com/2013/09/26/sojourning/

http://gracefortheroad.com/2013/11/26/we-can-find-you-one/