When Dreams Change

As a young child, I had many dreams and ambitions for my adult life. There were so many ideas and options, how would I ever choose? I dreamed of being a pilot, contemplated a paramedic career, fantasized about a Federal agent or spy vocation, thought about novel writing, considered joining the military, and many other occupations. One dream stood above the rest; I always imagined that regardless of what vocational path I choose, I would be a mother first and foremost. For a while, I even thought having 12 kids would be awesome. (not sure where that idea came from) :p

During that time, looking ahead at life, I was sure by the time I was 30 years old, I would be married and be raising four or five kids. My life would be secure and I would be happily serving God somewhere by my husband’s side.

Now at 30 years of age, I look back at life and wonder at all the amazing things God has allowed me to do. None of those particular childhood dreams have come to fruition, yet I have been blessed beyond measure and would not change any of it.

Not only has God blessed in ways I never dreamed of, but he has slowly, surely changed my desires and given me new ones. I am not a pilot, yet I have traveled to 40+ US states and flown to 20+ countries. I am not a paramedic, but at one time completed an EMT-basic course and used my skills to splint broken fingers and “fix” sliced toes. I have yet to write a novel, but am a blogger. I do not belong to a branch of the US Armed Forces, but I am in the Lord’s Army, fighting for the cause of Christ. And though I am not a mother, over the years, God has placed all kinds of people in my life for me to love. I want to love people, encourage them spiritually and challenge them intellectually. As a child, I assumed one day I would be a mother and would be able to pour my passion for people into my own children. However, that was not God’s plan, BUT I have such a unique opportunity to dispense love to so many.

Looking ahead, I never would have guessed at all the places God directed me to, or imagined the incredible people He would allow me to meet. Yet, here I am, not where I thought I would be, but with extreme gratitude for all my past experiences and friendships. And an excitement fills my heart at the unknown path stretching before me. I may not know what the next 30 years holds, but my God, who knows me better than I know myself, has my future in His hands.

A Bend in the Road

Three and half years ago, my coworkers and I were in the process of moving office locations. It was just down the road to our newly renovated building and I spent several late nights there with my supervisor, trying to quickly pull things together. I was headed out of town shortly thereafter, so was attempting to get everything in place before I left. Our new office had two large windows that displayed the end of our international airport's runway and in the farther distance the Alaska Range. Several nights I had watched the sun set behind those mountains, casting its last rays across the snow-capped tops. One evening, I stood at those windows watching the runway activity and admiring the magnificent mountains. My mind kept drifting to my upcoming trip; I had my first few flights planned and purchased, but much was still to be decided. I knew what countries I wanted to travel to, but the dates of travel and length of stays were not finalized. It was the trip I had dreamed of for years, yet there was that sense of unknown and maybe a little bit of anxiety. It was what I wanted to do, but was I making the right decisions? 

My supervisor, who is also a dear friend, reassured me that all would be well. Change and the unknown is always a bit frightening in life, but we both knew I wasn't traveling by myself. My God is ever before me and with me every step of the way. He loves me beyond comprehension, so no matter what I would face, I would have Him to be my Guide, Comfort and Giver of peace. 

Looking back at that trip three years ago, I am glad I didn't know all I would face during those six months in Asia that night at the window. I'm sure I would have shrank back from the thought of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual battles I would experience. Yet, during each of those trying moments, my confidence in God never shook. I may have struggled inside and wondered how I would get through, but I always knew God was with me and some days that was THE ONLY thing that got me through another day. 

Why am I reliving those fears from three and half years ago? Well, I am about to embark on another lengthy journey and to be honest, I'm just a tad nervous. The past couple years I've spent the majority of my time at home, working and attending school. I took time away from traveling to focus on finishing my Bachelor's degree, and I don't regret it. But traveling is in my blood and I knew it wouldn't be long before I headed out into the world's arena once again. So many people tell me that I'm brave to go to all these countries by myself, but if they could only see the inward trepidation I so effectively mask. I can't stop traveling, but it doesn't mean I'm fearless. 

And I am not just referring to the physical things I endure in random countries. Each one of my trips has changed and grown me in more ways that I can count. When I first left home, I was a young 19 year old girl who had more dreams and ideas than sense. Each year has brought another level of learning, especially that of trusting God. Trusting Him with my life, my family, my heart, my friends, my safety and so much more. As painful as some of my memories are, I would not trade any experience, for in each one I learned more about myself and more about the abundant grace and peace my Saviour gives. 

Yet, once again, I am facing the unknown and its both exhilarating and daunting. At the risk of sounding like Anne of Green Gables, there is a bend in the road and I can't see around the corner. Right before leaving on this trip, I quit my job of many years (though I've quit before, but this one feels more final) and with school finished, I don't have much tying me back home. After this trip ends, I do not know what I will do next. Oh, I have ideas, always do, but nothing is for sure.

But the excitement far outweighs the nervousness! The next four months will be one of adventure. I will see old friends, visit beloved familiar places, meet new people and explore strange places, all the while watching God move in my heart and those around me. I am greatly looking forward to it. 

I'm trusting God in my life and circumstances. Yours may be vastly different than mine, but are you trusting God regardless? 

Rock Crossing Visit

I had to awesome blessing to go out to Rock Crossing two weeks ago. It was the Ojala's first time out this summer, so we didn't know what we would find. There were a few large trees that had blown over this winter, but thankfully all fell next to buildings not on them! It was so early in the summer (really, still spring) that there was not much green on the trees and you could see the roofs the buildings from the river. 

This is the first summer that I won't be attending camp in forever, which translates to about fifteen years. It is a little strange knowing I won't be there (or any other camp, for that matter), but God is good! Looking back on our lives, I'm sure we would not want to always be the same as we were twenty years ago. Change is hard to accept when it first makes its appearance, but God is faithful in growing us and making us ready for change. Ten years ago, Rock Crossing was so important to me, that I planned my entire year around those two weeks of camp. Fast forward to today - I am not going and I have complete peace about that. 

But I am still thankful I had the chance to go out for the weekend this month. Rock Crossing holds a special place in my heart; I have many, many memories from my time out there. Young people I was able to point to Christ and watch as they accepted Him as their Saviour. Lives I got to see changed. Conversations and opportunities I will treasure forever. Times of prayer with fellow believers I hold precious. Lessons God taught me that have molded me into who I am today. Friendships that were strengthened. And all the crazy, funny stories of randomness that happened.... at all hours of the day. Oh, and nicknames that I received. 

late night on the sandbar

our neighbors driving by

sunset at 10:something 

Goodnight Rock Crossing!

Life, Change, etc.

What is my life? 

How do I want to expend this short life on earth? 

My purpose (as is all of our purpose) is to glorify God. It is why I was made. 

Am I truly fulfilling that purpose? 

I am not satisfied with what I am. I want to be more like my Saviour. 

Change has never been a friend of mine. Many times I've resisted change, because I liked where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, etc. But without my permission change still came. And after a while, I would realize that change is good. Sure, I sometimes remember the good times of the past years. But do I want to be that age, that time, that place forever? 

God knows best! He is the One who orchestrates change in my life. Why resist Him? 

"We need to be honest with ourselves. Is how we're spending our time right now preparing us for what we hope to become in the future? Are we doing things now that will equip us for the greater things God may have for us to do? These are the fundamental questions for this season of our lives."

from Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris

A book written by teens for teens. And while I am far from the teen years, it still has some great truths and has made me continue to think about where I am in life.

No, I don't know what the future holds. Or where I'll be in 4 months or 4 years.

But I need to continue to grow, mold, transform into Christ's image, so when He brings change, I'll be ready for whatever it is.

Just some thoughts from the past few days.

Hope to post pics of Mongolia soon. :)

Faithfulness amongst Change

Inuvik, NWT

Change. Faithfulness. At first glance these two words do not seem to go hand in hand. Yet with God, change can be endured with faithfulness. Change is something that cannot avoided in life. It is a consistent occurrence in everyone’s life, though some change is definitely harder to deal with than others.

Inukshuk

I am currently in Inuvik, NWT, Canada. I lived here with the Donleys about six years ago. It’s always a pleasure to come back and visit with everyone, but this year things are different…. 

Things are changing here and many transitions are occurring. Yet, through it all I can see the hand of the Lord. And I see the faithfulness of His servants. As I reminded the last night I was at Teen Camp, faithfulness is what God requires of His servants. I Cor. 4:2 “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.” BD preached a marvelous, convicting sermon about God requiring each of His children to be faithful. Not everyone has the same amount of talents, or money, or time, or abilities, but each of us does have what it takes to be faithful. Faithfulness is what God is pleased with. Faithfulness can be defined as ‘consistent with truth.’ As a believer in Christ, staying loyal to the Truth of the Word of God is being faithful. And anyone can do that.